Yucky Day


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Today was a really bad anxiety day. I couldn't get out of bed until 5, and even then I was still dizzy and having heart palpitations. Sometimes I get to feeling really sorry for myself, thinking about all the bad things,and crying over little things that I can't have, like a normal day. But then I have to remind myself of all the things I do have. I have legs that walk, lungs that breathe, lips that smile, a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in at night. It helped alot to have such a beautiful day outside! It was so warm, I laid with my kitten in the sun on the floor of the kitchen for a few hours..haha.

Tomorrow I'm going to attempt to visit a friend, I really hope I feel better! I'm going to see my friend Manda. She's alot of fun, she is my complete opposite. She loves to talk and is really outgoing. She's married to Scott, a mutual friend of ours hehe, they make each other really happy. She just got out of the hospital a few days ago, she has pancreatitis,and it causes her sugar to fluxuate really low really fast.

Anyway...

So I just ended a one year relationship with the guy I thought I was going to marry. Turns out he's just a controlling and manipulative jerk. He was always accusing me of cheating, which believe me I would never do. I know how it feels to have been cheated on, and I'd never do that to another human being. But yeah, if i didn't call him every two hours he would flip out, saying I was with someone else. And when my seizures starting getting really bad and I couldn't visit as much, he would tear my head off. He was calling and texting and e-mailing me constantly, one minute saying how sorry he was and how much he missed me, and the next leaving nasty voice mails about what a terrible person I was. But I am very happy to report that the harassment has stopped! Yay!

I did attempt t get back out there and go on a date with a guy I knew from work. He took me out to Starbucks, we both ordered, and when it came time to pay, he had to go to the bathroom and stuck me with the bill. Then we went to the mall ( I hate going to the mall and seeing things I cant buy!) we were there for maybe two minutes and then he wanted to leave. He kept bumming cigarettes off of me, and then had the nerve to ask me if he could borrow $50. I'd had it. I had to stop him and explain to him that I, having lost my job, have no income. I decided to give him another chance, and he said he take me out this evening. He offered to take me to a bar, but I cant drink because of the medication I'm on. He then asked if I would like to come watch him get drunk anyway. I haven't heard from him since last night, and I don't mind a bit!

So yep. That's my exciting day. Hope yours was much better!

5 Responses to “Yucky Day”

  1. Mark N says:
    This comment has been removed by the author.
  2. Mark N says:

    Anxiety, dizziness, heart palpiations. I get those and I've been diagnosed with Labyrinthitis. See my blog post;

    http://plot66.blogspot.com/2010/02/off-topic.html

    You may have something completely different though, but it might be worth looking at. How long have you been suffering?

    (Sorry if this post appears twice but I've had trouble posting today).

  3. Ambug says:

    I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder when I was 12, it's been getting worse since then. I don't like to be medicated so I just kind of deal with it.

  4. shonda says:

    I am sorry to here that you had a bad but i hope your day is better tomorrow. I really hope that you feel better i know it must be hard not be able to do all the things that most people your age do butn i do think that your problems one day will make you a better and stronger person for it. So don't feel to bad about it because it will get better.

  5. lilBunny says:

    "But yeah, if i didn't call him every two hours he would flip out, saying I was with someone else"

    A control freak is what he is. I have a friend who is in a relationship like this and she is miserable. Control freaks I don't like at all. You did the right thing by getting rid of him. As for the other one, don't lend him money. If he asked you out he should pay. Heck, he should pay for everything anyway, unless you agree to split everything. I hope you get better soon or atleast start feeling better. All will work out in the end.

    Happy trails!

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