Archive for May 2010

Boring Day.


Mariah, if you read this, I am so sorry I haven't written you back yet. I haven't written a letter in so long, I forgot I need stamps, and I haven't had a chance to go get any just yet.


It has been a boring day. I couldn't sleep last night, so I decided to go through all my clothes. Then my mom popped her head in my room and asked if I wanted some coffee around 6 am because she couldn't sleep either. But she got tired around 10, and I didn't want to bother her by cleaning to keep myself up, so I just went back to bed. Yep. Now she's asleep in my bed, and I am sitting around watching The Office because I don't have cable. So that's my day.

So every spring, this bird nests in the dryer vent in the back of our apartment. It's really cute, getting to hear the baby birds chirping everytime the mother leaves. Oh! And there are alot of canadian geese around here, and we discovered two of them that were nesting in small shrub gardens in the shopping center down the road. One was in front of the Hallmark store, and it's mate would stand beside her day and night. The other was in front of Elder Beerman. We check on them every day, and sometimes bring bread. But the other day, we went to see them and they had both abandoned their eggs, and their nests had trash all around them. Someone had chased them off. I was more upset than I probably should have been. I just can't understand how someone could be so cruel.

So yeah. I'm just rambling.

I got my laptop back, I got my laptop back!


Yay! Thanks to Manda's husband Scott, I have my laptop back!

SO much has happened since my last post. Well, not really that much, but it seems like alot to me.

Daisy passed away, and instead of the expected sadness I just felt relief. She was in such poor health, I'm just glad she's not hurting anymore. I'm single again, and I'd rather not elaborate. I will say however, that I'm really glad that I have time to focus on myself and my health for the time being. What else, my seizures have gotten worse because I had to stop taking my anti-seizure meds due to lack of funds. I'm trying to eat better and exercise more, and that seems to be keeping the worst at bay for now.

I just want to elaborate on the seizure condition for a moment. I have to go back a few years. When I was about 12, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. It's a relatively common thing. It causes frequent and uncontrollable "anxiety attacks" and "nervous breakdowns". The way it has been explained to me, it's just a chemical imbalance in the brain, the can be helped with cognitive behavioral therapy and medication. My anxiety attacks vary in strength, and I have them multiple times a day. They basically consist of lightheadedness and dizziness, heart palpitations, shakiness, tunnel vision, cold sweats and ect. They are also accompanied by an unreasonable fear of immediate death. The best way to explain it is this : Imagine you're being chased by a crazy axe murderer. Your mind is racing, you're scared like you've never been scared before, and shaking, your heart is pumping and you're terrified he's going to kill you. Lol, I know that's weird, but that's how it feels. Anyway! The seizures started about a year ago. I go into something like a severe anxiety attack, and I really don't remember much after that. I end up in convulsions, blacking out, and being conscious but not coherent. I go into a deep, sleep I guess you'd call it, for about 2-4 hours. That's about it.

I've had every test you could imagine. EEGs, which is where you have wires attached to your head, wrapped in gauze, and you get to carry around the monitor in a nice fanny pack. I've had MRI's and CT scans, bloodwork and X-rays, apparently all to no avail. So everyone is stumped. I just get so frustrated because my family is low income and before all of this, I was the primary breadwinner. I lost my job over this and I can't work because odds are, I'll just get fired again. Sorry, I'm just venting.


In lighter news, I think I've figured out what I'd like to study in college. I think I want to be a high school english teacher. Did you know english teachers have to take anthropology? Weird. I'm also keeping my hopes high that I can figure out all this medical mess, and get it taken care of so I can drive again, and maybe get a part time job. I really do miss working. This summer, I may travel to Tennessee to visit my grandmother (she's nearly 80, but meaner than a snake!) and my aunt Carole, who just purchased a house with alot of land. I've heard talk about a go-cart track. ^.^ Katelyn just had a birthday, I can't believe she's 15 already! She is so beautiful, she looks nothing like me. She has hair worthy of a Pantene shampoo commercial, and she is always tan. She's way taller than me too, I'm 5'8, and she's nearly 5'11. Lol.

I'm sorry this post is so long, and if you read it thank you. I hope everyone is doing well!