Archive for June 2010

My life be like...


I can't sleep because I keep thinking about something. One thing in particular. No method my mind can fathom is giving me any solution or rationalization about this, and that doesn't happen very often. I'm often at a loss for words, but never for thought. The thought of this terrifies me, and I hate having to do this, but I am going to have to wait and see how this plays out. This particular situation is so delicate, precarious even. I hate not being able to know how things will work themselves out. I'm frustrated with myself, I've always got the answers, the solutions. I rely on myself for control, and I trust myself, but in this instance, it's not up to me. I want to jump up and stomp on something. I'm not angry, but I am so torn. I can always sit for a moment, and have everything planned out, understand the constants, allow room for variables, and find the answers.

I don't want to plan anymore. It hasn't worked well so far for me, might as well abandon that approach. So screw it. What happens happens and I will gladly roll with it.

Hmm..what is she talking about? English composition? Psychology? Not math..she's terrible at math. No, none of the above. But however it goes, I'll let you all know. For now, I'm gonna try my hand at free falling.

I'm baaack! Again!


So WOW. Been a while hasn't it? I had to do the restart disk thingy again on my laptop and had to re-do my wireless connector thing.

Not alot has happened, well, not really.

I'm single. For good this time. I give up. I'm still trying for temporary disability and some government aid insurance, it's taking a long time, there's alot of red tape apparently. I have been accepted to a local community college, I don't know for sure what I want to do yet so I;m majoring in Liberal Arts lol. Health wise, I'm rolling even. Still having seizures, panic attacks, and I'm developing these weird OCD type phobias. They're absolutely ridiculous and make no sense, but I'm trying to work through it. And sadly, without the government aid insurance, I can't go to the doctor to get help or for the required health screenings for temporary disability. Crazy huh? And I am so sorry Mark, to hear that they haven't figured out whats going on. I know all that testing with no result is really frustrating. Keep pushing though, and ask as many questions as you can think of. I do hope you get some answers!

What else...

Our fridge went out, and we lost all the food in the fridge and freezer. We have been living out of a cooler for about 3 days which SUCKED. But we finally got a new one today, it's really tiny, but I'm very thankful. My little sister Katelyn is in Florida with my grandmother, as she is every summer. She really didn't want to go this time since she's old enough to work here, but she went. And I'm not sure if I mentioned this previously, but Daisy passed away some time ago.

I've been quite bored actually. I hate to use that word but I am! I've done all the cleaning I can think to do. We don't have cable, so that's bleh. My cell got shut off and I'm using the house phone now but none of my friends want to call the house :( I play cards almost every night with my mom, and she always beats me, so that's no fun anymore. All the public pools around here are closed due to lack of funds. What am I to do?!

Oh! And thank goodness miss Abby S. was found safe! When I heard about her on the news I was so worried!

Well, that's it for now, hope everyone is well and enjoying the almost summer weather!